Grow Not In Each Other's Shadow

Shadow of sculpture titled "Grow" by Tim Adams that is featured in downtown Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

On March 21st I went downtown to meet my good friend and fellow Active Dreamer, Patty, at Josiah's Cafe to chat about dreams, synchronicity, and whatever else our hearts desired. I had never been to this cafe before so I was very excited to check it out. As I was walking to the cafe a beautiful sculpture on the corner of the street caught my attention so I walked over to gaze at it. The Sculpturewalk located in downtown Sioux Falls is one of my favorite attractions and it does to me just what it is supposed to do---attracts me to the sculptures. I first gazed at the sculpture and remarked to myself how beautiful even the shadow is that it casts on the ground. Then I looked at the title and name of the artist which both struck my heart deeply as they mirrored someone back to me whom I carry in the memories I keep in my heart----my first love. The title of the sculpture is "Grow" and the artist's name is the same first and last name of the guy who was my first love and whom synchronicity led me to--- Tim Adams. 

The title the artist gave his work of art is perfect as it reflects back to me a powerful verse in the poem "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran that I actually tried to live and embody in my relationship with Tim, though I feel I may have failed miserably at doing, which is---

I feel the message inherent in this synchronicity is all about learning and growing from my experience of loving Tim and the deep pain I still feel from breaking up and having to say goodbye as he embarked on the voyage of a new relationship with the woman I watched him begin to fall in love with on the Alaskan cruise we were all three on in the summer of 2016. Life really knows how to deal the hard blow of a wrecking ball to your dreams and shatter them, along with your heart and spirit, like no other. But Life also being the great Teacher that it is has taught me so well by now that there is way more to the story below the surface of appearances that reveals, in time, a bigger story which helps to explain why certain painful experiences are necessary for one's growth and learning. Part of me feels wise enough to know that my painful experiences all hold within them the treasure that I am seeking if only I would use my courage to go into the dark places within myself in search of it but then there's another part of me that feels so paralyzed and wounded by the pain and wishes none of it were true or had ever happened. I fluctuate between these two parts of myself and I feel that part of my growth has to do with learning to embody more and more of the wisdom I know to be true and quit giving into the stories I tell myself that are filled with lies, like that I am not good enough, beautiful enough, fun enough, that I don't make enough money, and the lies go on and on...

I wonder if all of the tears I continually shed help me to grow? I sure hope so. Before I stumbled across this sculpture, many times I had scolded and told myself that I should not have taken the risk to be in a relationship with Tim and that I had made a huge mistake by doing so, obviously because of all of the pain I experience as a result. I have realized though that the huge mistake is for me to believe that. It was my dream to meet someone I would fall in love with and it happened in the most beautiful way. I could never have written the story of how I met Tim and got to know him more beautifully than the way my life wrote the story. Life knew just what I didn't know I wanted and I am so grateful for the adventure it offered up to me. It's like my life knew when I was ready for love and then there was Tim. He had already been in my life for a couple years but I was not fully aware of him. And then we bumped into each other at a concert outside of the work place where we had initially crossed paths with each other and that experience held within it the spark of romance. Synchronicity led me that concert that night and bumping into Tim there felt truly magical. I can't deny what I felt. There was way more than just music rippling through the ether at that concert, I know that to be true.

"Some say love, it is a river, that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor, that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower, and you its only seed."         
                                                  Lyrics from "The Rose" by Bette Midler